I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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