Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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