He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
