I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
