i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
