woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
vagina is talking i cant
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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