goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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