you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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