So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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