Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
