you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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