today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
