Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
