She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
