You're earring is so big in my mouth
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
