I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
