Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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