this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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