A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I will be naked everywhere
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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