All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
