The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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