"it" just moved
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
