so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
