dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
