I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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