I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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