one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
