i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
