I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
