Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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