I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I party with great urgency now.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
