This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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