Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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