you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
