last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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