This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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