apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
