friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
