I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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