Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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