I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
