I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize