3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
