I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
