he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
