I'm gonna have a badass scar
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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