did you get engaged???
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize