Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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