my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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