I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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