Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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