My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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