ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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