She's JV to your varsity
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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