i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
