She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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