In the future we'll all be gay
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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