I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
