i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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