the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
