I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
