Can i not drive my cunt home
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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