how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
