my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
