Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
