Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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