he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
