Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
