just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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