So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she smelled like a LAN party
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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