I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
