He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
