pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
