Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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