and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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