There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
