an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
