Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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