you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do vagina's smell?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
