that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize