Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
