Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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