His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i came on her dog
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
